What once may have been considered ‘alternative’ arrangements have been gaining fierce popularity in recent years; you might even say polyamory has gone mainstream. Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is a catch-all term that describes these non-exclusive relationship styles (think open relationships, throuples, swinging) where individuals consensually engage in multiple romantic and/or sexual relationships. ENM isn’t new, but is enjoying greater visibility as more Millennials and Gen Z unpick learned traditions of commitment and re-evaluate their emotional and sexual needs. As terms of the non-monogamy world become stitched into common conversation, let’s make sure we’re across the basics.
Polyamory
Coming from the Greek polus (many) and Latin amor (love), polyamory is defined as having multiple romantic relationships simultaneously with the consent of all involved. This is not to be confused with polygamy, which involves the law, i.e. having multiple marriages at once. (In this case the law would win as polygamy is a criminal offence in most of the world.)
Polyamorous relationships can take many forms depending on what suits those involved. It could look like a couple (who consider one another their primary partner) each having separate partnerships with others in a secondary fashion. It could look like a ‘closed-loop’ triad (otherwise known as a throuple), where three people enjoy relationships with each other. By the same logic, a ‘quad’ would involve four people in a committed relationship. Others may like to expand their number past three or four and opt for the title of polycule, a term used to describe a network of interconnected individuals enjoying a range of intimate relationships.
Open Relationships
Typically formed of a primary partnership, those with an open dynamic exercise the freedom to pursue external sexual unions as well as emotional and romantic attachments.
The term ‘open relationship’ might also be used in a poly context, too – after all, it’s about flexibility, and being receptive to any and all connections that work for your situation.
Monogamish
“Yeah, we’re monogamous…ish”. Being monogamish sits somewhere along the monogamy/non-monogamy spectrum, where individuals in committed partnership occasionally open their relationship to external sexual encounters. Different to the open dynamic, being monogamish is in service to a person’s sexual whims and sense of play. It might look like the odd threesome, a casual encounter when out of state, or a passionate making out after too many spicy margs at a house party. Being open could indicate more of a planned approach, for instance being active on dating apps.
Swinging/Partner Swapping
Calling to mind keys in a bowl at house parties of the 60s, swinging is a practice involving committed couples who engage in sex with others recreationally. Usually these sexual encounters occur socially at private parties or club events, where couples can explore and share in novelty while remaining connected as a couple to one another.
Partner swapping is a little more specific, and really, as the name would suggest, is two or more couples swapping partners in a sexual context - maybe on one occasion, maybe as a recurring arrangement.
ENM relationships are an invitation for individuals to reconsider their wants and needs in intimate attachments beyond the somewhat limiting frameworks we're often taught relationships should follow. Traditional arrangements don’t suit everyone, and as our societies evolve, so do our desires and dating preferences. Naturally, there’s nothing wrong with traditional monogamy; by the same token, a bit of information—and, if you’re open to it, exploration—could broaden your sexual horizons.
