Have you ever thought about what time of day gets you most in the mood? When do the stars align for you to have the energy, enthusiasm, and endocrine response conducive to a bit of self or partnered love?
Not everyone is keen on analysing their own desires, and picking apart preferences or ascribing meanings where there might not be any can feel like overthinking sex for some. But let us present an argument for at least occasionally reflecting on your sexuality:
You've probably heard this a thousand times by now, but the more you know about what you enjoy, the better equipped you'll be to communicate your needs to a partner if that's what you want to do.
Understanding your body on a normal day gives you better insight into it on a day when things feel off. Just like you’re advised to notice changes in your body for health reasons, being aware of your usual sexual responses is important. Then if, say, your libido is lower than usual, you can eliminate variables to get to the bottom of it. Is it the medication you’re on? Is it stress? Are you just not that attracted to the person you’re with?
The time of day is just one of those factors affecting sexual enjoyment worth exploring. If you’d like to dive deeper with us, read on.
Morning sex
There are some obvious reasons people prefer to start their day with sex and intimacy. It can be an energising workout that gets the blood pumping. Or on the flipside, you might prefer a slow, indulgent start to the morning. Engaging in intimacy releases feel-good hormones like oxytocin and dopamine, helping you begin the day on a high note.
Not only does sex produce pleasant hormones, but research suggests some wake up with hormone levels that promote arousal. Men and penis-owners have higher levels of testosterone in the morning, hence the erection and possible arousal that accompanies it. Women and vulva-owners tend to have higher testosterone in the mornings too, although it’s much lower than for men and less related to sexual function.
But hormones are only one of many factors that affect sexual response. Even if hormones are supposedly ripe for you to have sex in the morning, you simply might not be in the mood. Lack of sleep can negatively affect sexual desire. If you slept well the night before, you might still generally feel sluggish in the mornings. And unless you’ve had a dirty dream, there’s not much time to prepare your mind for sex when you’ve just woken up. Mornings can also be stressful if you have work or other commitments, leaving some parties unsatisfied with rushed sex.
Finally, if cleanliness and sex go hand-in-hand for you, morning breath and a grimey layer of night sweat can be turn-offs.
Day sex
There's something very intentional about daytime intimacy. You're not just engaging because you rolled over in bed and found your partner beside you. You're consciously prioritising pleasure, almost as a rebellion against the pressure to be productive.
The daylight hours might make you feel more alert when you’ve been upright, well-fed, and generally going about your day. Taking a break to indulge in intimacy can help you reconnect with your body—and possibly someone else’s—reminding you of the important things in life.
The downside (or upside, depending on your perspective) is that you might risk being interrupted. Some people also find their schedules don’t align, making daytime intimacy a challenge.
Evening sex
According to a 2014 study of 565 men and women, the majority preferred intimacy in the evening. Men also had a secondary peak in desire in the morning, and so did women who identified as morning people.
It could simply be that the evening is the most convenient time for intimacy. There’s no pressure to start your day, and your partner may already be in bed with you. Plus, you’ve had all day to build anticipation and give your brain—your most important sexual organ—some prep time.
Sexologist Vanessa Muradian of Mia Muse offers great tips on the importance of transitioning from the stresses of the day to a more relaxed state for intimacy. Desiring evening intimacy doesn’t always happen without effort; preparation is key.
Maybe you’re not a night person at all and feel too exhausted for any intimacy when your head hits the pillow. Some people feel overstimulated by the end of the day, and the last thing they want is to be touched by another person. This feeling of being “touched out” can especially affect parents of young children who have had a lot of physical contact throughout the day.
There are many internal and external elements that can dictate when we like to have intimate moments or self-pleasure. It can vary from person to person and day to day.
Ask around and see what your friends enjoy. And if you have any sexual partners, don’t hesitate to ask them what works for them, and whether any compromises need to be made so everyone has a good time.
Image credit: @guenfiore
