There are countless reasons why so many of us are tantalised by the elusive "Mile High Club". You may wish to indulge in a lifelong aviation fantasy, perhaps you long for the adrenaline rush from risking getting caught, or you've simply heard that an aircraft's vibrations can send you over the edge. Whatever the reason - here is a nifty guide to earning your wings.
- Enter at own risk
If you do indeed fancy banging on a Boeing, be warned that gaining membership to the Mile High Club is a rather perilous endeavour that may put your personal safety, hygiene, and dignity at risk. It could also upset fellow passengers and/or the crew if poorly executed. Beware - you don't want to have people staring daggers at you for the remainder of that long-haul flight.
But then again, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
- Dress appropriately
You have one choice of location, and one only. The restroom. God forbid you straddle your partner in their seat. Cool your jets.
Given you'll have approximately 2-square feet to work with, minimise unnecessary movement. Nobody wants to be fiddling with buttons, belts, skinny jeans etc. as the precious seconds slip away before somebody comes knocking. Dress wisely. Although, your sexiest underwear would not go astray. Have condoms/lube/tissues tucked away at the ready. Think ‘easy accessibility’. That said - keep your shoes on. Please.
- Amp up the anticipation
Are you and your partner both in on this? Or have you been seated next to a smouldering babe and the sexual tension could be cut with a knife? In both circumstances, you can certainly turn up the heat from your seat.
Anticipation truly is half the fun. And the opportunity to earn membership to this celestial club does not pop up every day. Get excited days ahead. Visualise the scene. Drop hints to your partner about how much these thoughts turn you on. Build up your own sexy little fantasy world.
- Timing, timing, timing.
Choose your moment wisely. If you start to get restless in your seat and you're feeling a little flustered, great. Although your body may be screaming YES, keep a level head for when you decide to slip off to the restroom. Not straight after take-off, not after drinks service, not as a last-minute rush before touch-down. Aim for night flying when passengers are asleep, or during food service, which is generally noisy and staff and passengers alike are occupied. Just like the perfect crime - timing is everything.
- Without a trace
Reminiscent of hiking out in nature - you'll need to abide by the principle of "Leave No Trace". Politely wash your hands and flush the evidence. Discretion is key. Be respectful of those entering after you. Be sure you and your partner don't go into the restroom together, and the same goes for leaving it. Calmly enter and exit one after the other, with an appropriate, yet unsuspicious, wait in between. A quick mouthwash and spritz of perfume would also not go astray before returning to your seats.
- Strut it.
After your membership has been granted, it's your time to shine - wear that Mile High badge with pride. No walk of shame off the runway here, you have smashed the glass ceiling of getting laid. There's no need to come back to earth mentally just yet, radiate in your post-coital glow. Let's say that any glares from fellow passengers are purely fuelled by jealousy. Congratulations.
