If you’re single in 2021, it’s probably fair to say that at some point over the last year, you’ve experienced a bit of a dry spell. Unsurprisingly, you’re not alone. With endless lockdowns, closed clubs, and cancelled parties still lingering, there’s little hope left for spontaneous hook-ups. And with so much of our day-to-day moved online, a night of swiping and ever-increasing screen time does not necessarily excite.
While there’s no shame in taking a break from sex, a prolonged lack of sexual intimacy can start to weigh on the mind. Whether it’s been a few weeks, a few months, or even the whole COVID-ravaged year, not having sex can affect your confidence, sense of desirability, and satisfaction. Plus, once your libido has diminished, it can be hard to rekindle. But fear not; we have put together these three steps to help you break your dry spell and start feeling yourself again—both literally and figuratively.
Masturbate
Sex begets sex, and so does masturbation. If your dry spell has diminished your libido, masturbation is the perfect first step toward rediscovering your sexuality. Engaging in self-pleasure will reintroduce the erotic into your life and mind, reigniting your natural craving for intimacy. There’s no point in trying to break the spell if the urge isn’t there first.
Masturbation helps prepare you for the dating or hook-up scene in several ways. First, it reduces stress and anxiety (feelings heightened when preparing for a date) by releasing endorphins like serotonin and dopamine, contributing to relaxation. Second, studies have shown that masturbation enhances self-esteem, self-acceptance, and body image, helping you feel more confident and calm. Finally, masturbation allows you to get in tune with your body and desires. It can be an exploratory process that helps you understand what turns you on and what you like—knowledge you can then communicate to potential partners.
Not feeling it? Try watching porn to get yourself in the mood, or read some erotic fiction. Maybe it’s time to rewatch Normal People. Do whatever feels good to you to reframe sex as both a possibility and something desirable in your life—alone or with others. Once you get into the swing of things, start to observe your sexual urges throughout the day. Notice when you become aroused and lean into that desire.
Flirt
Flirting is a way of life. It’s a means of moving through the world and seeing potential. It’s not defined by a specific set of actions but by the belief in your own desirability and the recognition of others’. Flirting allows your imagination to run wild, and it invites you to feel excited by the possibilities that arise.
Start by flirting with yourself. Take your time getting ready in the morning, pamper yourself, choose your outfit with care, and then compliment yourself. Tell yourself, “I look good.” Be cheeky and silly with yourself; allow yourself to feel attractive. Then take that attitude into the world. You’ll be surprised by how different it makes you feel; you’ll move through the world differently when you feel—and truly believe—you are sexy.
When you’re ready, flirt with those around you. Keep it subtle: eye contact, a head tilt, an eyebrow raise, a smile. Ask a question or start a conversation. If it feels right, make a slightly suggestive comment or lightly touch their arm. If they flirt back, it will be exhilarating and provide you with evidence of your desirability. And you never know; repeated flirting may lead to the exchange of numbers or an Instagram add. However, remember that a date is not the goal here. Flirting, as the second step in breaking your dry spell, is about boosting your confidence and reminding yourself that sex and dating are, above all, fun.
Get on the apps
For some, the idea of writing a bio, enduring endless swiping, ghosting, and one too many “hey x” messages is almost too much to bear. But there is a way to use the apps to get what you want. Requiring minimal effort, they offer an easy path to finally put that dry spell behind you. To make it fun, build your profile with a friend. Get dressed up, have a wine or two, and do a photoshoot together. Having a second opinion to help select pictures and write bios can provide validation before you make your profile public. This way, you’ll be more confident with what you’re presenting. Perhaps start swiping with a friend, laughing about it, and enjoying the experience.
When you have some matches, keep messages brief, direct, and specific. Ask a question about one of their pictures or something they mention in their bio. Make a joke or start with a one-liner relevant to them. Make it feel attentive. Once you’re chatting, don’t get stuck in small talk purgatory. Keep it light and fun. A few messages, a few laughs. If the vibes are good, lock in a time and place for a meet-up. Don’t be vague; if you’re feeling adventurous, discuss exactly what you have in mind. Remember, it’s not a race. The love—or the making thereof—will come when it comes.
